Bracing for Pride Month

Embracing our LGBTQ+ community and a special message for allies

On a hike with a good friend last week, I was asked about my coming out experience. It was the first time I had been asked about coming out in a long time and that inquiry opened up a whole slew of memories. I appreciated being asked and it opened the door for us to explore the common ways oppression pushes groups down. There is so much we can learn from one another if we open our minds and see that the violence, erasure, and even unintended harm perpetuated on one group is similar to that of oppression on other groups and what can happen if we slow down, see each other’s humanness, and connect to build a world that is better for all of us.

In reminiscing on past pride months, I’ve realized that I have been emotionally bracing for this June, preparing for the worst. And although I’d like to also say that I’m also expecting the best, I don’t honestly feel that way. Since January, I have seen the ongoing attacks on trans folks intensify and I am concerned this will escalate even more in pride month. As we approach the 10-year anniversary of the Obergefell v. Hodges Supreme Court ruling, which recognized my marriage along with so many others as legal federally, I feel myself trying to prepare for that ruling to be overturned. It’s not what I want or what the majority of Americans want, but the current presidential administration is illogical and hell bent on destroying so much of what so many of us value for no other reason than grabbing more power.

A few weeks ago, in a conversation with a queer elder, I was expressing what it was like to live through the time of being legally discriminated against and seeing laws and even social acceptance change. They expressed their feelings in the words of Kamala Harris as “we will not go back” and I couldn't agree more. It has by no means been perfect, but I feel a great sense of pride in being alive through this time in history – and we are in the midst of writing the next chapters of American history. I am clear that the history I am part of writing is one of building a world that is better for all of us, saving the planet, and seeing everyone truly live the whole “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” that is the aspirational foundation of this country.

My thoughts on pride month have changed over the years. I attended my first pride parade in the late 90s when I was still in the dark recesses of the closet. I saw co-workers there and we shared an unspoken truth that we would never speak of this at work as those who came out were fired. Of course, there were always other reasons given for the firings, but we all knew that being out at work meant losing your job because we saw it happen to others. These were also the days when I learned that we referred to our LGBTQ+ counterparts as “family” and that family shows up for one another. I rarely hear anyone anymore call each other family in this way and there was a type of camaraderie that was palpable among us during that time that sometimes feels almost nonexistent these days. I don’t miss the legal discriminations of those days, but I do miss the deeper sense of community.

As time went on and I began slowly making my way out of those shadows, I enjoyed pride as a way to truly be prideful about who I am and be celebrating in the same space with others. But even in those days, pride was complicated. It wasn’t just a party, but also a remembrance of all of those who had come before us and made things easier for us. Although there was a parade and parties, there were also candlelight vigils to remember those we had lost through violence and the AIDS epidemic and suicide. We taught one another about the resistors including those at Stonewall, mostly led by trans women of color. It was a month filled with many emotions – grief, sadness, celebration, and maybe most important to me, acceptance and belonging.

There was a time that pride month was overtaken by corporations. Back in the 2010s, the corporate sponsors seemed to balloon out of control and the pride parade began to feel like it was filled mostly with big businesses and politicians running for office. So much of it became performative allyship and many of us have been calling out the “rainbow washing” for years. I don’t care if you put up a rainbow on your logo (ahem, nonprofits, I’m looking at you, too); I care about how you treat the LGBTQ+ community. I still celebrated pride month, but did it in my own way with those that I loved. And I’ve always had grief and remembered those we’ve lost as part of my pride month.

So here we are today. Although I have been bracing for a different kind of “hard” this pride month, I will be out at pride parades again. I will be there to be with my LGBTQ+ family, to celebrate our differentness, to remind the world we are here and we will not be erased. I am committed to doing all I can to make things easier for those who come after me just as my queer ancestors did for me. I will do all that I can to live "No pride for some of us without liberation for all of us" from the wise Marsha Johnson, one of the heroes of the Stonewall riots. This is a commitment that runs so deep it cannot be shaken and that is the energy I will be bringing to pride month this year.

This June, I will be doing all that can to remind queer and trans folks that the world is more beautiful with us in it. I will be telling those that I love and care about even more frequently that I love and care about them. I plan on giving hugs filled with tenderness and strength to every one of my LGBTQ+ family that I see in person. I will do all I can to tell trans people that I love them and feel grateful to know them. I will do all I can to ensure that we don’t go backwards, but only move forward.  

For much of my adult life, I’ve heard many around me say that there are allies to the LGBTQ+ community. Well, this June is when the rubber meets the road. What kind of ally do you want to be? This is the time when actions matter more than words. Will you show up to a pride parade? Imagine if the pride parades this June were lined with allies holding signs in support of us! Will you prioritize showing up for us? Although there are some pride events that really are just for the community, there are plenty of public events throughout the month like the pride parades where allies can show support. Will you be there voicing your support, or will you just post something on social media with no action behind it? 

This year’s pride month, unlike any I have yet to experience, could be filled with allies showing up on the daily. And we will notice if you are there. If you call yourself an ally, this pride month is the time to reach out to us and ask us what we need and how we are. Many of us in the LGBTQ+ community are feeling so much pain and loss and are wondering if the allies are going to check on us. It doesn’t have to be this way and I implore you to check on your LGBTQ+ loved ones. 

When I look back on June 2025, I hope I will be surprised to see the most attended pride parades of my lifetime. I hope I will feel my loved ones who call themselves allies reach out. I hope that all of the trans folks will see us stand up and celebrate their amazingness. And for all of us who embrace queerness – not just as an identity, but as a way of being and challenging the status quo – may we shine brighter this pride month than we ever have before.